This scandal hits many folk’s “hot button”: The rich keep getting richer; the discrepancy between the haves and the have-nots continues to deepen; the law is applied differently to the super rich; and, of course, the blatant unfairness that a deserving student will be supplanted by someone who bribed their way in. I get it.
I submit, though, that those young adults whose parents cheated to get them into top colleges are also victims. There is little doubt that these young persons were raised in a privileged—and indulged—environment. Here’s what we know about overly-indulgent parents and their indulged offspring:
- Indulgent parents often are such due to guilt. Divorce, insufficient time spent with the child, and abuse (of any kind) cause parents to over-indulge the child in the hope that the above effects are ameliorated. (They aren’t.)
- Some parents believe that giving their kids whatever they want whenever they want it demonstrates their love, especially if the parents were also reared that way. (We live what we learn.)
- Some parents whom were poor as children choose to not have their kids “suffer” the way they did.
- Also, some parents may perceive a weakness of some kind in their child and thus strive to (over-) protect them.
- Finally, some parents cater to their child for fear the child will not love them (enough).
Children raised under indulged circumstances learn several maladaptive traits:
- Lack of appreciation. If always given what you want when you want it, you don’t learn to appreciate much.
- If you never have to work for anything, you have no opportunity to learn responsibility–and the joy of accomplishment.
- Lack of ambition, industriousness and creativity. There is no need for ambition etc. when completely provided for with no work or effort expected in return.
- Indulgence naturally breeds self-centeredness, entitlement, and a lack of compassion for others.
- Low self-esteem. Beneath the façade of “having it all” many young indulged adults come to recognize they haven’t earned or accomplished anything and their parents believe they are incompetent to live independently.
How often do we hear about wealthy privileged individuals succumb to drug abuse, self-harm and suicide? I contend that an indulged childhood, and the issues that stem from that, are, in large part, the cause for these serious problems. Ironically, while indulgent parents think they are loving their kids, they may be killing them. In many circles indulgent parenting is viewed as dysfunctional as child abuse.
Once these indulged students worm their way into a top school will they successfully matriculate? On one hand I doubt it but on the other hand they probably would hire private tutors and perhaps pay someone to write their papers and even take their tests. Top schools are hesitant to flunk students because that would raise questions about their “high standards” for admission. Even if the indulged student graduates, how worthy do they truly feel? (If they don’t feel uncomfortable, then they may be bordering on sociopathy. I did not hear of any “student” tell their parent to stop the deceit and allow them to be admitted, or not, on their own merits. I guess cheating your way into and through an Ivy League school is better than earning a legitimate degree at ASU—which one indulgent parent reportedly feared.)
Sooner or later the indulged adult will attempt to go out on their own. It could be in the work arena but, again, their wealthy parents and their contacts may pave and ease the way. Getting married, though, presents some real challenges. Odds are a wealthy, indulged young adult will connect with another wealthy, indulged person. This pairing of two indulged, self-absorbed, entitled partners, with low self-esteem, is likely to last as long as Mike Tyson at a spelling bee! If the union, by some miracle, persists, my bet is some more indulged kids will be on their way.
This writer, therefore, does feel sorry for the young adults in this scandal–even if he graduated from ASU.
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