By: Larry F. Waldman, PhD, ABPP
Psychologist

When planning a wedding we are all aglow with love and excitement—as it should be.  We have to consider the date, venue, rabbi, caterer, invitations, musicians, seating arrangements, bridesmaids, best man, ushers, the dress/suit, money, the honeymoon arrangements, and more.  It’s a challenge but, hopefully, well worth it.  I have often said, “Staging a wedding is sometimes a poor way to begin a marriage.”

Despite all of the above planning there remains a most important consideration that too often, and most unfortunately, is overlooked:  When does the new couple learn to navigate the road ahead to help sustain a successful marriage and a long and loving relationship?

While many weddings today take months to plan and cost tens of thousands of dollars, often not a minute or a dime is spent to ensure the union will successfully endure.  The divorce rate for first marriages in the US continues to hover around 50% (Covid made it even worse); most of these divorces occur within the first five years and frequently include children.  Therefore, unless couples do some research and learn to effectively communicate, argue constructively, solve problems cooperatively, co-manage money, and strive to care as much about their loved one as they do about themselves (moving from “me to we”), about half of those extravagant weddings will have gone to waste.

If your car’s transmission is slipping and making terrible gnashing sounds, you take it to a specialist. If you start a business, form a partnership or buy some property, you consult an attorney or realtor. However, if you are about to establish a life-long relationship–which may involve property and even offspring, most people plan a party.

I’ve been the kickoff speaker for “Marriage University” for the past decade or more, which is sponsored by the Board of Jewish Education. More than a hundred couples have availed themselves of the most valuable marital education provided by this psychologist, a rabbi, an accountant and the founder of the program, Linda Feldman. Ironically, despite the added stress of the pandemic and the rising divorce rate, fewer couples are enrolling in this program. I assume engaged couples and newlyweds are busy. Sadly, divorce, especially with kids, will make you busier.

Dozens of couples over the years have stopped me and said they truly enjoyed the program. Get educated! Sign up! It’s worth the investment.